so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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