Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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