I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
pop tarts are not kleenex
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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