mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
