Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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