You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
