god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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