Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
