I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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