Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
whose parrot is this?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
