I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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