dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
