the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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