So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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