time to smoke my breakfast
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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