i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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