i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
