found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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