I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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