I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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