youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
