Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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