I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
