My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
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The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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