I think I died a long time ago.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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