I cockslap morals
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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