I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
