You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
