1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
