I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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