She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
