dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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