the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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