I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
