I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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