The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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