i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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