Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
