Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
