Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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