I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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