oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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