i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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