i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
