I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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