Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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