Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
