We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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