are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
