Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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