he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
