Michael Bay diarrhea
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
