She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize