Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
