She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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