sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Randomize
