I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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