I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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