So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i already hear my dad disowning me
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
there was a trapeze. enough said
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
