Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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