It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
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I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
3pm strippers are depressing
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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