i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Fuck appropriateness.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
