Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
whose parrot is this?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize