I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
