8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
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Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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