i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
