Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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