I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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