FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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