The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
