So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
