does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
