Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
